It has been some six weeks moreorless since I made an entry here. A lot has taken place during that period of time. I was at a loss as to when it would be an appropriate time and circumstance to comment on those happenings.

In mid-June, my wife had a routine colonoscopy which found a malignancy which required surgery. Surgery took place on June 30th. There have been a couple of follow up visits with the surgeon, who has assured us all is going well. Earlier today we met with the oncologist, who did not recommend chemotherapy. The cancer was identified as a stage 2; chemotherapy has little to offer by way of improved outcome. The situation needs to be followed closely both in terms of a metastasis of this primary cancer and in terms of being alert to the possibility of another primary. The first is monitored by CT scans every six months; the latter is monitored by annual colonoscopies. Recovering from major surgery takes time. Before performing the surgery, I think the surgeon advised us to be prepared for a three month period of recovery.

During this time, an uncle, with whom I had developed a special relationship, passed away. He suffered a debilitating stroke 20 years ago at age 62. He was cared for at home by his wife, who also worked full time for several of those years. In May of this year, the decision was made to have Uncle enter a hospice program. He passed away approximately two months later. Several years ago, I started writing letters to this uncle a few time a year. He was not able to read them, so his wife would read them to him. Those, which I wrote using the computer, were saved to disk and numbered sequentially. The most recent letter dated June 8th was number 47. There were also hand written letters, which preceded the use of word processing and an occasional hand written one tucked in among those 47. The contents of the letters were not profound, just reports on what I was up to, some of which I am sure were repetitive. I will miss Uncle and our visits via the printed or written word.

What's next for this letter writer?

I'm trying to figure that out. I wrote a letter to my Aunt the evening I returned home from Uncle's funeral. I don't know if that will be the start of a new string.

Almost five years ago, shortly after the birth of our first grandson, I wrote Sam a letter and followed it up with a few more. When his cousin Noah joined the family, I posted him a letter. This past winter when Leo made it three grandsons, I managed another letter. I've toyed with the idea of writing a Grandpa Newsletter on an irregular/regular basis and sending it to the grandsons. Some of my willingness to start this blog may have been to go with contemporary technology and leave the snail mail for an older generation and a former time. But those things just don't seem to fit, so I am back to thinking that individual letters to each of the grandsons may be the fit that feels good to this grandpa. Word processing with the cut and paste tool will provide for some shortcuts.

I haven't implemented this revised plan as yet; recent events have put a damper on my discretionary activities. To say the least, I have been distracted. For the past month, I am not sure I have had a good night's sleep. There have been additional chores to keep the household in order. The summer homeowner project of replacing the windows in the house was completed in late June. We simply weren't in a position to postpone it. There was a side job for a good friend, that had a deadline. I have been rethinking my retirement plans; I was drafting a retirement letter to submit to my employer on July 1st with an effective date of January 1, 2011. I had made it no secret with my supervisor, co-workers, and clients that I planned to retire as of that date. I now have a letter in process stating that I will postpone my retirement for at least one year. I wanted to wait until we had met with the oncologist to learn of his recommendations for follow up care. Being without health insurance or with limited coverage for all or part of 2011 does not seem to be advised. The waiting periods for preexisting conditions and other circumstances make for substantial financial risks. Part of me says "So what?" "Take a chance." Another part says "Act responsibly." I think I would be more willing to take a chance if our retirement reserves had not floundered these past two years. This dilemma may well be the subject of another blog. There is not only insufficient time some days, but also insufficient enthusiasm and energy to do many of the things I feel I want to do or need to do. It seems there are always things to be figured out. Such as: how to be a grandpa, how to be a husband to a wife with a potentially catastrophic illness, and how to be an old man. This figuring, in itself, is hard work. Writing may just be part, an essential part, at least for me, to figuring it out. Go figure!